I've thrown away the hope I had in friendships

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-12-14T19:51:00

2009-12-14T11:51:18Z

This used to be a funhouse,
But now its full of evil clowns.
Its time to start the countdown,
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down.

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-12-09T00:26:00

2009-12-08T16:26:52Z

Starting to realise I've lost myself and whats around me bit by bit as the days goes by
pretty much not liking it.

I have only lived for 18 years and already find life boring, dreading the next day to come.
Dreading school, dreading camp.
I really don't want to grow up because there's so many things I gotta force myself to learn and face

I just feel like cooping myself up as much as possible
Meet as little people as possible, laugh as little as possible, talk as little as possible.

And oh one more thing.
I've gotta stop whining
(How ironic and rather highly impossible.)

the day you slipped away; dec 1st

2009-12-06T13:33:42Z

the song avril lavigne wrote for her grandad, now im dedicating it to you.

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh its so sad
I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

I didn't go around to kiss you goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

I had my wake up, won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it, it wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere you're not coming back

I miss you.

gm, i miss you already

2009-12-01T20:48:52Z

the very photo that would make my heart wrench the instant i see it
many great thanks to third aunt for helping me take this precious photo

i had already see this coming, just not this soon.
really regretted for not following the original plan brother and i had planned
and it turned out this is going to be a regret im going to have my whole life
apparently father holds the same regret as i do
but i still cant help it but to blame myself despite whatever was said

i gotta stay strong because i have to, grit my teeth and still live on
(well technically one of my favourite sayings, suck it up and live with it, cant really be use in this kind of circumstance)
any hoots, im pretty glad there wasnt many crying events cause i definitely wouldnt want to go to school swollen eyed
funerals at my place so its gonna be pretty busy the next few days.
but im rather glad that its at my place so i dont need to rush to school or whatsoever

this is probably the last time i can ever say this, but

grams, i love you, alot. more than i thought i ever did.

no one to blame but

2009-11-30T14:04:55Z

myself. i was given four whole days which i absolutely took for granted
first three days were spent idling most of the time with very very slow progress (almost nothing done)
only started to rush out everything yesterday afternoon and night. very bad idea
who would have known i started to feel sick last night, so much so that i actually felt like puking?

woke up on the wrong side of the bed today with a very bad start. reached school and continue doing the stupid thing
or should i say REDO for the umpteenth time. (smacks forehead) i swear perspective is like my 死穴 (totally forgot how to say it in english)
(spent too much time watching 康熙來了 during the past three days instead of doing productive work. teehee)
but yeaaaa i was just either very very sleepy or drowsy and just couldnt stop sneezing
i actually went to school in a jacket which is just rare.

im very anxious about my work now, pretty lagged behind in speed (though i didnt bother staying back to do. was too weak and tired and cause i just didnt have the mood to do any work)
i swear, i dread school so much i rather not stay back in that environment anymore. home and bed's such a better place, anywhere but school.
im supposed to be pretty worried, correction. I AM. but.. my heart is totally not into it.im just doing it for the sake of it and that sucks
(actually im fine with drawing the rest, ALL except perspective pleaseeeeeeeeeee.) so tomorrow i HAVE to finish everything before class starts
(but then again thats what ive been saying nonstop all these while)

i really really miss year one days so badly. where i looovedd school.
where we would just hang out in the empty studios knowing everyone will just gather there after reaching school or classes end.
waiting for the night class people to finish then head down to haji for supper. parents often nagged but i was so so much happier than.
now, im just going to school because i have to and cant wait to leave immediately. period.
im keeping my fingers cross that year 3 wouldnt be much worse than it.

all i need to do now is get my perspectives over and done with then i can fall back in love with mtpre all over again. i just cant seem to get the proportion and estimation right. freaktard. and now isnt the time to fall sick. if i have to, it better be those kind that doesnt recover cause if not i will have a whole lot shit to catch up with and thats gonna suck even more. but i really think im going to fall sick soon. sigh

off to sleep early, i shall go.

too much

2009-11-24T16:33:38Z

theres so so much on my mind now, pretty soon going to be too much for me to handle. i dont intend to take back what i said about liking mtpre, but im just pretty much struggling with proportion of perspective. its not drawing out and connecting the points i have a problem with, but of simply gauging and plotting the points. if i cant even do something that is soo soooo easy, theres no way i can finish doing the damn thing cause that is the very first step! what makes me sooo angsty and irritated is that i cant believe i cant do something that is so EASY, its JUST gauging!!!! i mean for fucks sake, how difficult can that get?! im already behind for progression of work, i cant afford to delay even more. the thing here isnt with my design already, since i cant even plot normal rectangles -.- i really know i can do and i want to be able to do it.

who would have guessed that my day would end in such misery? but anyway, thanks alot LT for texting me through and trying to make me feel better (:

on a major sidetrack, (i initially planned to blog about this AT FIRST in the morning) i had a dream that felt as if it was scarily real. (a pretty embarassing one actually) i have a love/hate relationship with this kind of realistic-feeling dreams. i end up waking up convincing myself that it was ALL just a dream and it NEVER happened. oddly enough, the incidents that happen in this kinds of dreams are incidents that are obviously never ever going to happen and the saying "dreams are opposites of reality" totally falls in place here. one things for sure, i know im going to keep thinking about last night's dream for a while because i know its never going to happen, and because of how real it felt. very.scary.

MTPreeeeeeee

2009-11-20T19:46:23Z

so thats the module im taking now. Media Techniques and Presentation
sounds like some computer-ish, vsc-ish module? TOTALLY NOT. we got all fooled by its name cause its just ALL architectual drawings
all hands on drawing and not a single bit of usage of the computer.
so therefore, im officially a full fledged iadmer now. LOL i mean ive built models, im learning to draw layout plans and i STILL have to do fashion related stuff. pretty cool huh?

and im really glad matthias is our lecturer (: hes so patient and everything and its his character that makes him cute. hehe
(just a little bit more and he could be able to join in my favourite-lecturer list besides colin and carol)
& i swear, he just reminds me of bart simpson at a certain point. HAHA really!!
anyway, i think our school needs more younger lecturers like them all, like seriously.

i think im really enjoying mtpre quite abit cause even though i had to redo a few times i didnt mind at all
and i even brought home work to do and stayed up willing till now to do it without feeling tired, a very amazing first
its funny how come im willing to put so much effort for the iad subjects, first space planning then now this. hahahahha
yayay im in rvm :D (and i probably just might not enjoy so much IF i was really in iad cause now these mods are just something new to me)
(BUT THEN AGAIN. did you know that IAD was actually my third choice anyway!?!? after what PID. HAHA THAT ONE BEST. imagine i really went to PID. O M G id just either kill myself or get murdered by it.)

okay off to watching family guy since i decided to take a break from drawing and continue tomorrow

ps. thank you vannn for lending me your tsquare so i can save $$!! :D hehe

reminiscing the good ol' young days

2009-11-13T06:23:51Z

because benny suddenly asked us if we remember this cartoon about the heart moon star which also happened to be my ulitmate favourite

pity we didnt remember what it was called
therefore since i was so free today i decided to go find it!!

its called Princess Gwenevere and the Jewel Riders. LOL my god

and of course, who could forget the Magic School Bus!

i swear i would watch it everyday without fail
i love it soo much i even got a computer game on it. LOL

and this last one is for kellyyyyyyyy
im pretty sure you'd know what it is (:
(just damn sad i cant find the english subs. oh well)

okay back to watching them (:

weird

2009-11-10T16:18:16Z

i think its so weird that i just realised about sleeping habits
because for starters, yesterday and today i could wake up on time myself
(thought yesterday wasnt counted since i didnt go to school)
but hahaa, im weirdly not sleepy now, rather apparently exceptionally wideawake

todays been pretty good i guess
finally stayed back in school after the entire block. my god
how i really missed staying in school till at night!
going to finish up packaging for vpress finally assignment then off to sleep i goooo~
(since fpm mates havent sent me anything and compiling wont take long anyway, or i hope at least)

suffer the consequences

2009-11-09T16:48:25Z

im pretty sure you'd know that every action comes with a consequence
since its an outcome that you rather not have,
then what about thinking about others before acting?

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-11-10T00:21:00

2009-11-09T16:28:24Z

omg i swear my internet is really driving me nuts ttm
one moment its four bars (like for less than 10 seconds) and the rest of the time its only ONE my gosh
oh right when im in my living room
funny thing is i just need to walk a few steps to my dining table and i get full connection.
but i dont want to stay in my dining room la! okay but still its pissifying enough because the internet is SUPPOSED to be damn good and the living room is suppose to detect it.

and i think because the internet was down for the past few days i become very very lazy all over again
the laziness i was before i got paddles
where when i have nothing to do id just end up sleeping on my couch
i realised how much i have really missed sleeping soooooo much
sleep eat watch tv eat sleep watch tv those life was awesome; unproductively awesome
since i have no life with nothing to do outside, so just sit at home and sleeep loooorrrrrrrr
so after feeling that way for the weekends, i already secretly wished that i was in a normal poly
where we DONT have block system and have time to sleep. my god.
but i have no choice do i

now back to vpress
i wonder how come i can do not-so-bad for the first four assignments which are only 10% but the heavier weightage ones are like crap
seriously, the bookmark ones werent successful and im having trouble with this book one too. 30%. damnnnnnnnnn
gotta try and finish it so i can hopefully print tomorrow, latest wednesday.

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-11-09T07:55:00

2009-11-09T00:00:05Z

okay so i did go tanning yesterday after posting (: thats not my main point here
so i got up halfway and walked back home to grab a can of coke like i always usually do
but upon reaching i almost blacked out, like literally
my vision was really all blurry and black and if it wasnt for np i would have totally just allowed myself to faint
it was a crazy, horrible experience cause my head remained giddy for a hugeee damn while
(but what if i really fainted and never woke up..?)

anyhoots, karma struck me by giving me cramps now ): so much for "having" them on friday for irenes class. hehehe
but yea, its good so i can just stay at home and finish vpress and many other work too.
i really cannot emphasise how much i rreallly hate having cramps. and i have to stop whining everymonth on top of that. damn.

(i really cant believe that its submission week now cause its still pretty slack. this entire block damn slack sia. okay today, tomorrow wed is going to chiong hell. but other then that, my god totally like nothing la. blocks ending on thurs 12noon. everyone say hiphiphurrayyyyyyyy~!)

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-11-08T11:21:00

2009-11-08T03:23:42Z

internet was down for the past two daysss. badddd
finally got it back (: gotta start working on vpressssssss.

ps. i was hoping to go tanning today but the sun is being an asshole. just stay sunny will youuuuu?

pps. i never knew my mother worked as a merchandiser for crocodile before, only till last night. too bad because it was a chinese-speaking company and she said the other aunties there refused to teach her so she quit. lolol imagine if she had stayed on thereeeee. id have a merchandiser mother. lol

come right out and say it

2009-11-04T18:29:57Z

I'd better rest my eyes
Cause I'm growing weary of this point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply why don't you just verbalise
All the things you are trying to say

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead its trouble into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevietable

phew

2009-10-29T12:59:54Z

N.P was almost almost discovered this morning. close shave.

no plans for halloween yet.

ANYONE?

on a side note. school has been weirdly..free. hahhahaha not badd (: just kinda hate the timings which always differ from the others. damn

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-10-25T21:36:00

2009-10-25T13:39:09Z

I've thrown away the hope i had in friendships
And i just pray my problems go away if theyre ignored
But thats not the way it works
No its not the way it works

I've thrown away

So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

XXXX

2009-10-20T14:51:13Z

X two days of school have passed. and im pretty glad i managed to have a successful add/drop and got visual presentation :D
im having this love/hate relationship with it cause you technically HAVE to be a perfectionist and being one is sooooo annoying.
fashion purchasing management on the other hand is just dead boring, for now at the very least i hope.

X just now during dinner, kelly tim and i ended up guessing which emails belong to whom and it was pretty fun
i think i have a thing for all these kind of things (: idk why.

X saw kel using her snowleopard just now and it looked freaking awesome. cant wait to use it soon toooooooooo :D

X i really hope that the red on hair doesnt fade off so fast cause im still in love with this red. i need to think of another hair colour to fall in love with soon.

X director comm tomorrow. zzz i shall bring paddles and do work there. im pretty sure i can do quite abit la, since its going to take forever anyway

X i HAVE to finish making my grandmas pj's by this weekend-technically by tomorrow. (yea i decided to make one for her :D)

X oh, mothers coming back tomorrow! (so i guess thats the end of "it")

X im sleepy and i dont feel like starting work. (whats new right)

hungover

2009-10-17T16:03:56Z

YESTERDAY

WORK

it was a one hell lot of experience being a dresser for the 1st time and it was for cleo's 15th birthday. it really made me have a love/hate relationship of working in the fashion industry especially backstage. (to think i kinda HAVE to do this in the future since im a vmer) it was really just really made me realise my temper is definitely a no-no but i really cannot just stand there and get scolded for something i didnt do (this is why my temper sucks). and yes, the "boss" is always right, even though its not your fault. i just have to shut up and accept it. i was really almost to blow my top and boiling inside very badly. i got a hot female model who is damn scary and somehow i lost one of the garments. yea i know right, fucked up. but it really wasnt my fault i swear on my life. it was so chaotic at that point in time, and i had to dress 3 people almost at once. just kill me. how can a first timer not blunder up doing 3 models! i may be giving excuses but yea, what the hell. wasted 25 bucks cabbing to chee's chalet, which was one helluva awesome night.

DRINKING

by the time i reached about 12 the drinks were ALL gone and i mean all. i brought the schnapps i stole from okfest but how could that have been enough? spent a whole lot time accompany chees cousin michael to go fetch his friends and then get more drinks. (thankfully the seven eleven far away from the chalet allowed us to buy. if not i would have totally felt even more fucked up cause after that stupid work i just wanted to drink and get gone) reached back the chalet again about, 2? i drank about four (not full) shots almost at once, and some beer mixed with the remaining schnapps, cause everyone was still high but almost sobering up already. thankfully syara was still pretty high so i had her, lijin and (shit i forgot his name, i think its uhhh jit?), for company. the inbetweens i only can recall here and there. someone apparently brought ec (i have no idea what it stands for, but its called laughing gas too?) and omg, it makes you get like double the highness you already were. funny that while youre high you actually feel like you can blank out any moment, pretty scary. and the queerest thing was that in the midst of the ec thing i had a freaking deejavu. who on earth dreamt about having laughing gas la. but yea, i was kinda the last one still high i think cause slowly everyone sobered up since they were high for way much longer than i was. that kinda sucked but i just ko-ed on the couch.

i think, last night was one of the best nights ever.

TODAY

headed home with a damn awful hangover and dad came to fetch me. napped for about two hours before heading out again for flea, with still a slight hangover. its funny how when youre having a hangover and it makes you feel like shit, probably swear you wont drink again but obivously not. flea was packed shit and i got dizzy from all the digging and bending up and down. my best buy would definitely be this vintage bag for what, one dollar?! and inside apparently have 2 oldschool bus tickets. hahahaha.

now, im tired shit so im going to sleep soon.

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-10-14T23:06:00

2009-10-14T15:10:09Z

tanning today was pretty nice :D

. van, lijin and kimchi!
. sushi picnic for lunch
. sun only decided to come out after a long while, but better than nothing cause i still got tanner!
. "D-sandcastle" building. (LOL KIM, i cant wait for the picture to come out)
. monkey-laughter woman
. very yucky sea, w/ very high fun tides
. asmine and justice (weird pair, ikr) lookalikes at the shore
. laughing at girls attempting to models posing but obviously cmi
. beachball playing

. decided to never my tube bikini to the beach anymore. hahaha

tomorrow will finally come. (:

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-10-10T00:32:00

2009-10-09T16:37:58Z

okay.
im getting wayyyyyyyyy too emotional these few days especially from the start of this week.
too sensitive, too fragile.
and im really hating it, and want to stop it this instant, if only possible. if only.

i think im l_____l close to starting, even if its for the wrong reasons
just for a sense of escape
and if i really do, i can only say sorry that im such a letdown

i just need somewhere for me to run away and hide

work

2009-10-03T18:55:10Z

lets just do this 8days numerical style

OKTOBERFEST

4 days of work

40 (well almost) hours

400 odd earned :D

3 artists met (kui jien&his hot angmoh vj girlfriend, jade seah and denise keller - OMG denise keller is hot HOT stuff man)

2 times asked if i was underaged (zzz, and im guessing thats the reason why i didnt get harrassed that much)

1 very very irritating supervisor which made me constantly just wanted to slap her face

6 cups of beer was the max i could hold at one time using both hands

∞ times of walking towards the beer bar getting ∞ no. of drinks

∞ times of hearing hey baby, ymca, who the fuck is alice etc (listening to hey baby is crazy enough from secondary school already -.-)

∞ hot angmoh babes and doods i saw during the four days

∞ FUN :D

abigaleeeepjy @ 2009-10-03T10:52:00

2009-10-03T02:55:36Z

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one i see

V is very very extra ordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore

as so someone said

2009-09-27T13:39:28Z

"friends are like balloons, once you let go they'll never come back"

how true is that. i really think friends are creatures that requires high maintainance. its either that, or i just really suck at maintaining friendships. communication and spending time together is the vital key issue. the moment you dont have either, you can just kiss that friendship good bye. yes you can try and get it back yes you can try to make it the same old thing it used to be, but i guess things will never be the same ever would it? its like a broken glass that is being fixed back, the cracks are still there no matter what.

there isnt much point in self-pity or putting the blame on the other party. maintaing friendships need alot of effort, and i guess fate and destiny. what is meant to be, will be meant to be, what isnt, just isnt. its just like no matter how hard you try to keep that particular friend, but on the other hand someone else can just click with him/her so easily youre being kicked out of the picture. i think i really need lessons on friendships, and yes i know the problem lies with character and communication, which i guess i suck at both.

and like someone ever told me, i see friends way much more important than how they might think of me. which is very true. its seems like im the only one that remembers promises made or even bothers trying to keep them. maybe that really shows i take the other party far more important, and i want to be treated the same way deep down. i yearn for something, which me myself am not sure off. i wish to be happier by the day, stop being so sensitive and think way too much.

its so rare for me to ever ever blog in such a manner. in fact i have never ever done it. but it feels nice to actually blog this way. if anyone even bothers taking time off to read this senseless crap.

goodbye.

still as white as new

2009-09-26T14:45:49Z

its really funny cause yesterday after reaching home i decided to give paddles, my dearest macbook a good clean
i removed all the b/w check stickers (kelly finds them ever so irritating cause i over use them. lol)
with the help of wonderful magic sponge, paddles is really as white and as clean as how he first came :D
only sad thing is that the trackpad cant really be cleaned properly but oh well, the rest are WHITE
but somehow im still quite unused to it being so white. a dilemma of feelings i suppose.
im really happy that its clean and almost as good as new but on the other hand i feel that im not using my mac without seeing the (irritating) check border stickers. (i actually have other stickers to replace them but..i guess i will let paddles remain white and clean for a while first)

and i just realised something.

1. i really need to improve my vocabularies again because besides using words like guess, suppose, awesome, wonderful, irritating, saddening.. i have no other words to use. that is just so..saddening. SEE MY POINT

2. paddles cant really be considered paddles already because.. it doesnt contain the REAL paddles anymore. the reason why i called paddles was because of the felt creature thingo that brenda made for me that was on my old laptop case. so therefore, the moment i changed my laptop case, paddles isnt paddles anymore. but i think im really not used to calling it something else anyway.

i really want to meet up with you this holidays cause i missed you. but i guess you dont.

s.o.s shes in disguise

2009-09-25T15:56:26Z

first week of holidays are coming to an end and im really having fun.
the chalet was a blast with lots of craziness playing i never. beer straight out of the freezer is awesome shit. if only there were more booze.
impromptu sleepover shanin's the next day cause of brendas impromptu birthday celebration
the celebration was..queer. it was really nice seeing them after so long, yet akward.
i really really really missed hanging and even simply just chatting with miss shanin cheong. love you tonnes hun ♥♥

today was tanning with kimchi cher and nini :D i was already tanned from swimming at shanin's so it wasnt that hard for me to get tan today
mini sushi picnic for lunch under the hot sun. hahahaha KELLY! next week, we'll go out sashimi buffet okay!!
caught september issue thereafter with gg as well. omggggg i swear vogue is such an awesome place but its so..stressful
im very inspired yet freaked out at the same time. its realllyyyyyyyyy superb to be working there, if i even ever have the chance.
but i guess i wont ever make the cut anyway

AND OH CROWS ZERO IS SHOWING IN THEATRES. I CANT BELIEVE IT :D
and, i really really need to have my hair stylist back in sg real soon cause i realllllyyyyy need a trim very very desperately and i want to colour my hair too! i hope she emails soon!!
and, i have really learnt to let go. things happen, things change. i cant blame anyone but myself, though it is really saddening. lives goes on so ive gotta move on. gotta learn this theory and just stick to it. its no use forcing anyway.

and, now im kinda bored with nothing much to do now cause i havent found any shows to watch.